Hey peeps - this is a different post to something I would usually do, but I feel I need to do this in order to accept responsibility and change the way I am.
I'm a negative person - I've always been the same from as young as I can remember.
I used to be that kid that wouldn't go on any rides at the fair with fear of it breaking down or me falling off. I wouldn't do things that other kids would do, like climb trees or ride a donkey because I was always scared of the bad things that could happen. It's very rarely that I think of the positive things that could happen... like I could climb to the top of tree and see the view or go on school trips and have fun with my friends. I never looked at life that way. I always find the negativity in everything.
As I've got older, this has become quite a bad thing. I've missed good opportunities due to fear and worry of what could happen. I've missed out on so much due to me over thinking things, and making up scenarios in my head.
I suffer with Depression and Anxiety which makes it even harder for me to break this spell. I had the opportunity to go to Australia but I was so scared of the plane crashing, or me getting lost in the airport that I missed my chance to go. It's not just the mental illnesses that make this harder for me. If you surround yourself with negative people then you will become negative yourself. My family are just as negative as I am, and living with them day in day out can make things worse for me to break this. Living with constant arguments. It's hard to be more positive when you wake up to screaming and shouting everyday. I take responsibility, I can be that person that screams and shouts and it's not a good thing. I need to break away from everything whilst still being here and being around it... do you see my dilemma?
I do have reasons to be negative - but only to an extent. It's understandable that I don't want to swim because I nearly drowned in the bath when I was little. It's understandable that I don't want to go to a proper college because I was severely bullied in school. But I shouldn't let those things stop me from living my life.
I read the news a lot and it's very rarely that there's positive stories in the news. It's always about someone who's been murdered, or some kid drank to much and died. A family have crashed their car and are lying in hospital critically ill, or some sick twisted person has abused their pet. It's extremely rare that you find a story about how someone stopped another from being mugged, or how one has cheated death. I'm not saying that you never hear about those things, because you do. I'm just saying it's very rare. Even the weather is depressing. English weather has always been rubbish, but when it's miserable weather you tend to find yourself feeling miserable too. These aren't excuses for the way I am because I know that there's worse stuff going on in the world. But people deal with things in different ways, and sadly stuff like this makes me negative about life.
The good news is, that I'm trying. I'm trying to have a more positive outlook on life. It won't happen over night but what you do today, can change how you feel tomorrow.
I've started out with writing a list on how to be more positive, then I decided to put together a new background for my laptop... it's full of inspiring quotes so that every time I log on, that's all that I see.